While there are many good things to be in harmony with, I think the most important are not things, as cliche as that sounds. True happiness in this life comes when you are in harmony with God and with your spouse.
Lōkahi is one of my favorite words of all time. When I was 14 years old, I designed a shirt for a girl’s camp for my church. Each unit (or ward) in the girl’s camp had a different Hawaiian value that they stood for, and we were given lōkahi as our value. I designed the shirt with a Hawaiian canoe, and within the canoe were at least four Hawaiian girls paddling together. To me, it represented many things: unity, harmony, sisterhood, support, and togetherness.
In preparing for my wedding, I’ve thought about this word a lot. My fiancé and I do a really good job with this concept of lōkahi. I’ve never thought of a time that we’ve fought—and people might say, “Well you’re not even married yet so it doesn’t count. You just wait…” But I don’t need to wait, because I know we aren’t going to fight. We might have things that concern us, but there’s never ever a need to fight. And I think it all goes back to this concept.
I wanted to talk a little bit about lōkahi and how it’s helped me, and how it can help your relationships too.
What is lōkahi?
Lōkahi literally means harmony, unity, or oneness. It is the concept of being in harmony with the world around you, facilitating a culture of peace.
Why should I have lōkahi with others, especially God and my spouse?
I feel like this is self-explanatory but I will explain it anyways. Throughout my whole life, there have been many inconsistencies, so many things that were not in harmony with the things people said or who they profess to be. I heard a quote recently that said this:
“Consistency is the key to integrity.”
That simple quote went right to me because it’s so true. I feel like everything has been inconsistent in my life, especially people. It’s caused quite a lot of trauma, but because the Lord and his Gospel have been so constant, I know that I can always rely on him for help.
With my fiancé, he has been incredibly consistent. He is honest in his words and actions, and I’ve never met someone with such high integrity. This integrity has helped me to trust him deeply and to never question his motives. When it comes to lokahi, there really must be consistency. Those who move as one know and can expect what the other will say, think, or do, and consistency is what builds up to that.
How can I use it in my life?
Start small, such as making an effort to communicate more. Talk about feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas, and tell the other person what’s on your mind. The same goes for God—as you communicate more with him through prayer, you can draw closer to him. Lokahi is like building a lasting friendship.
Jordan and I talk about everything, and I tell him everything, even if I think it might be offensive or if I think he’ll like me less because of a certain way I see things.
Being in harmony with God and with your spouse really is the key to a happy life. When you are in harmony with God, you desire to serve him with all your heart and soul, and that means you serve other people. Service brings joy. When you are in harmony with your spouse, you have a happy home life where you build a place of safety, where your children can feel and discern the right things for themselves, and where you and your spouse can always be at peace with one another. That’s the idea, and as I’ve been engaged to Jordan I feel like we are getting there and will continue to get there. It’s not instantaneous, but harmony can be built on consistency.